Ketchup!

And now, back to our regularly scheduled program.

My 20 year High School reunion is coming up as well as my wife's. We won't be attending the wife's and maybe I'll get into that whole can of worms later. But mine, we can't wait for.

I've seen other blogs written about some not-so-fun times or anticipation of the event. One that really crushed me was from a girl in my high school that said she didn't have many friends during high school, so she didn't think she'd remember anyone or they'd remember her so she probably won't be attending. What!?? Did the 2 weeks we dated mean NOTHING to her!!??

Oh well, since we're catching up, let's go back to my 10 year reunion first. What a blast. Yes, I went right back to my old routines with my buddies acting like I was 17 again and I'm not ashamed. Cheryl and I were only dating then, but she went with me and saw why I speak highly of my high school years and friends and why I can still feel close to them even if we haven't talked in years.

Some from my high school that claim they knew me, however, I don't think really did. When we sent in our packet to say we would be attending, the coordinators asked for an update on what we had been doing the last 10 years. Well, I knew my friend Amy was one of the coordinators, so I thought she was just being nosey and wanted to know this information for herself. Little did I know that this was actually for our reunion directory. So while most people talked about finding God, their great family and careers, and all the wonderful things in their life that should make us all jealous, I went another direction. I was told most updates were edited into a few short sentences but that they just couldn't find it in themselves to edit mine.

So it spread across 2 pages word for word.

The sad part is, someone who didn't attend the reunion but got a directory called me one night and asked me if what I wrote was for real.

This is what I wrote:

After being released from a Federal Prison in Washington, D.C. in 1993, details of which I am not at liberty to discuss per my plea bargaining agreement between the government agencies involved and myself, I moved to the Virgin Islands. This is where I began my lucrative corporation, We'll Do It, Inc. It became the #1 leader in the importation of illegal aliens into the continental U.S. for low-wage labor. I take pride in the fact that without my help, Nike, Reebok, and Kathy Lee Gifford would not be where they are today. However, the business became mundane for me and I soon let the company go public and now only hold a minor percentage of common stock in the company. That is when I made my return to the States.

Upon my return to the States, the government once again wanted to talk to me concerning my work in the Islands, once again reaching an agreement this time that included my cooperation to assist in the overthrowing of a militia that I am not allowed to expand upon.

I married in 1996 to Shanequah Williams and had 3 lovely children. Lee Roy, who is now 7, Biakabatukah, 3, and our baby, Julie, who is now 18 months. In 1997, Shanequah and I divorced and she was awarded custody of all 3 children and all $20 million of my assets. That is when I moved to Vegas, turned to alcohol to solve my problems, and began to sell my body (to women only) to support my gambling and drinking habits.

The beginning of 1998, I made my New Year's resolution to turn my life around and just last week landed a job with the Pizza Hut Corporation as a Transported Nutrients Engineer (I deliver pizzas). Soon I hope to be promoted to cook or dishwasher, I'm told that is where the real money is.

In summary, life is just what I expected. Ahhh, the American Dream!