Analyze This!

Dreams are crazy. I used to have dreams all the time about stuff that ultimately came true, as if I was psychic. Like when I dreamt my parents were getting divorced and they assured me they were not, only to use my dream later in their explanation of how they were getting "separated". But that's for another therapy session. This one was just out of the blue weird, and I didn't even go to sleep drunk!

It started with myself, a girl I used to work with but haven't spoken to or seen in probably 2 years (we'll call her 'Nancy'), her husband, and someone else-I'm not sure who, just one of those cool-I can't see them-but know I know them-this is a weird dream-type people. Anyway, we're all eating and drinking at some bar. I was going to head home and Nancy and her husband convince me to go to some outside place to hang out where I was suppose to distract the dogs in the woods while her husband ran around with a dead rabbit in his hand trying to attract one certain dog. Weird enough yet?

Then all of a sudden he got the 'right' dog and yells RUN! So we all took off to some parking lot. I have no idea what's going on, but of course at the time it all made sense.

I decided to go home from there and walked through another wooded area to get to the parking lot where my Expedition was parked. When I got there, I found about 5 people loading their luggage in it. They didn't believe me it was my car even though I could lock and unlock the doors with my remote.

Eventually they all took their luggage out but were pissed at me for some reason and still didn't believe it was mine.

Then all of a sudden this long-haired blonde girl decided she was going to take the car anyway trying to be funny. I jumped on the running board and was hanging on by pulling her long pony tail as she sped away. She was hauling butt screaming at me to let go and I was dialing 911 on my cell phone in one hand while hanging on to her pony-tail with the other telling her I was calling the cops. She just laughed and sped up more while telling me to let go of her F****** hair!

We passed a cop and he just kept on driving. Then another came so I made her side-swipe into him. THEN he followed us and she decided to stop.

The cop told me they see this all the time so they don't usually stop!??

I got my car back and I assume they arrested her. I went home and then of course woke up thinking, WTF? I haven't see Nancy in years, I should email her.

I did recently see The Dark Knight on IMAX, so that might explain the hanging on the car chase scene, but good luck breaking down the rest!

Proud Moment as MOM

My oldest son recently made his debut wearing a tuxedo. He was in my brother-in-laws wedding; he was the ring bearer. From the time he was asked to be in the wedding he absolutely could not wait for this day to come. He is 5 and as his mother, I too was very excited to see him all dressed to the nines. One of his grandmother's was so upset at missing this debut, she told me to take alot of pictures....uhm, tell my why I wouldn't have known to do this myself!?

Anywhoo, he tried on the tux right when we came in town, he had on the pink tie and his little tighty whitey's...I had a flash of my future....note to self, "make sure that doesn't happen again", but the outcome was great....see for yourself.

My little boy looked so grown up and I was truly proud of this day.

I guess I didn't get the memo.

A couple weeks ago, at 4 o'clock on a Friday, I was told I needed to be in Washington D.C. on Monday morning for business. Nothing like making last minute travel arrangements, but hey, it wasn't my dime.

Besides, I'd never been to D.C. and always wanted to go. I was staying in a hotel within walking distance of the White House, so while inconvenient to come up at the last minute, I'm a go-with-the-flow kind of guy and this will be fun.

Yah, they call it a 'business trip', but we all know how these are right?

Do a little work. Eat well for free. Have an adult beverage or 7 while "networking" with your bosses and co-workers. Call the spouse and tell them you've been working your ass off and would rather be at home with him/her and the kids who you can hear screaming and fighting in the background.

Well imagine my surprise when I literally had to work until all hours of the night on this trip. Not even getting a dinner outside of the hotel. This is how close I got to the Washington Monument the one night I tried to hussle out and be a tourist before being called to come back to the hotel and work on an "update" we just received:

So who's bright idea was it to change business trips into actual working trips!!?? The nerve!

BTW, this is what the Jefferson Memorial looks like from a cab on the way back to the airport:

And I think this is the Capital in the distance from the airport:

Not exactly the vacation, errrr, business trip I was hoping for.

Ketchup!

And now, back to our regularly scheduled program.

My 20 year High School reunion is coming up as well as my wife's. We won't be attending the wife's and maybe I'll get into that whole can of worms later. But mine, we can't wait for.

I've seen other blogs written about some not-so-fun times or anticipation of the event. One that really crushed me was from a girl in my high school that said she didn't have many friends during high school, so she didn't think she'd remember anyone or they'd remember her so she probably won't be attending. What!?? Did the 2 weeks we dated mean NOTHING to her!!??

Oh well, since we're catching up, let's go back to my 10 year reunion first. What a blast. Yes, I went right back to my old routines with my buddies acting like I was 17 again and I'm not ashamed. Cheryl and I were only dating then, but she went with me and saw why I speak highly of my high school years and friends and why I can still feel close to them even if we haven't talked in years.

Some from my high school that claim they knew me, however, I don't think really did. When we sent in our packet to say we would be attending, the coordinators asked for an update on what we had been doing the last 10 years. Well, I knew my friend Amy was one of the coordinators, so I thought she was just being nosey and wanted to know this information for herself. Little did I know that this was actually for our reunion directory. So while most people talked about finding God, their great family and careers, and all the wonderful things in their life that should make us all jealous, I went another direction. I was told most updates were edited into a few short sentences but that they just couldn't find it in themselves to edit mine.

So it spread across 2 pages word for word.

The sad part is, someone who didn't attend the reunion but got a directory called me one night and asked me if what I wrote was for real.

This is what I wrote:

After being released from a Federal Prison in Washington, D.C. in 1993, details of which I am not at liberty to discuss per my plea bargaining agreement between the government agencies involved and myself, I moved to the Virgin Islands. This is where I began my lucrative corporation, We'll Do It, Inc. It became the #1 leader in the importation of illegal aliens into the continental U.S. for low-wage labor. I take pride in the fact that without my help, Nike, Reebok, and Kathy Lee Gifford would not be where they are today. However, the business became mundane for me and I soon let the company go public and now only hold a minor percentage of common stock in the company. That is when I made my return to the States.

Upon my return to the States, the government once again wanted to talk to me concerning my work in the Islands, once again reaching an agreement this time that included my cooperation to assist in the overthrowing of a militia that I am not allowed to expand upon.

I married in 1996 to Shanequah Williams and had 3 lovely children. Lee Roy, who is now 7, Biakabatukah, 3, and our baby, Julie, who is now 18 months. In 1997, Shanequah and I divorced and she was awarded custody of all 3 children and all $20 million of my assets. That is when I moved to Vegas, turned to alcohol to solve my problems, and began to sell my body (to women only) to support my gambling and drinking habits.

The beginning of 1998, I made my New Year's resolution to turn my life around and just last week landed a job with the Pizza Hut Corporation as a Transported Nutrients Engineer (I deliver pizzas). Soon I hope to be promoted to cook or dishwasher, I'm told that is where the real money is.

In summary, life is just what I expected. Ahhh, the American Dream!